Motherhood + Being a Single Mom

Tell us a little bit about your family?

I’m a single mom of a 3 and a half year old girl and an almost 2 year old (in a month and half). I live right above my mom and dad whom are my occasional helpers.

What does your typical day look like?

My typical day starts with me waking up at 5:30 to shower and get myself ready for work, then I start breakfast and wake the girls up. I feed them ( usually it’s me sitting between them and feeding them both at the same time with me sometimes yelling at one or the other or both to chew or to pay attention because we are gonna be late.) Then I dress one then the other (also some days there is me yelling at them to stop fighting or plying around while I dress them) then we head to the bathroom where we brush teeth and do their hair. Then we pack up whatever I need to take them to daycare (snacks and bottled water and diapers if needed) and grab my purse and head out. On the way to the car they want to stop by and say good morning to my parents which always makes me run late. Lol I’m then head to the daycare and drop them off and I head to work which I start at 8:30am. I’m already worn out by the time I get to work lol. Once I’m off I pick them up and head home (approx 5:15-5:30pm) to which they go greet my mom who is usually home which I use that time to make them dinner without distraction (thank goodness) then the hassle starts again my mom brings them up and she either stays and helps me by feeding one of them or she leaves to which I’m feeding them both which then sucks because by this time my youngest Doesn’t want to sleep and wants to take a nap so I’m fighting her to eat while yelling at the other one to finish her plate. Once dinner is done we pay for a bit or watch tv or color or they pla outside or whatever then bathtime pjs and bed by 7:30-8pm. You would think it’s me time right yea no because I fall asleep with them and wake up at around9:30-10pm to which I either somewhat clean up or get their next day clothes ready and my clothes ready and then one of them if not both wake up (this s usually between 11-12 for another bottle of milk to which I spoil them and give it to them and fall asleep with them again till my alarm goes off at 5:30am to do it all over again. Yes I cosleep but not in my bed but in their bed in their room. They each have a twin bed to which they have me put them together to make one big king bed every night.🤦🏽‍♀️🤣

How do you find time for yourself?

Well when I have the girls I dont really have any time for myself except for my car ride to work at work and my car ride to pick them up. Now every other weekend when they go to their dads I will have fri nights (usually never because he usually gets them on sat morning) sat and Sunday till about 5 pm when he gi wan them back. And that’s only two weekends a month.

I really try to catch some me time if I dont fall asleep with the girls so early and catch up on some tv shows.

What’s the easiest thing about being a single mom if there is one?

I will say the easiest thing is that I have my rules and no one will de authorize me. I am the queen of the house and what I say goes for the most part because my oldest questions me A LOT. Lol other than that there isn’t an easier thing.

What’s the hardest thing?

The hardest thing is doing it all alone with really no support of a “significant other”. I am blessed to be close to my parents and can get help when I need it. But I’m very reserved and don’t like having people see me weak or incapable of managing things so I do t say or ask for much help. But there are days where the girls will just be acting up and won’t listen and I happen to not be in a patient mood when I literally “regret” my current life and choices. But I over come that and stay positive. And I remind myself that it’s not going to be like this forever, as they get older is somewhat gets easier in certain aspects of course.

What about the dating scenario. How does this play into your life?

Hahaha what is that? I wish I could date and honestly I wonder how other single moms date. I have no idea how they do it. I have barely any time for myself nevertheless will I have time for someone else. But I have tried and it’s really hard. I always tell them not to waste my time if it’s not gonna be serious and for the long run because I am taking away time from my babies to give to them and if they can’t value and appreciate it then they doesn’t deserve us (package deal – 3 for the price of 1 lol)

If the topic comes up how do you explain it to your Little’s?

I got to this point once and they were very young so they didn’t understand much I dont think at least. But I would first I introduce the guy to the girls as a friend and maybe do family things together like sash parks or theme parks or dinners just to see how the interaction is between them and if it’s a go then slowly letting them understand that that’s mommy’s boyfriend who will be holding mommy’s hand and giving mommy hugs and kisses like Papa does with his friend which they have knows now for a year. This is the perfect scenario in my head I’m sure it won’t play out like this but I’m hoping it will if I ever find someone which I believe I will be single forever. 🤞🏼

What do you wish the outside world knew about being a single mom?

That this shit is stressful, not easy, lonely, frustrating, depressing, but also rewarding especially having girls because I’m their role model and that will empower them to know that whatever they put their minds to they can do and will be successful at. It might not be easy but it’s not impossible. Also, people especially jobs to be a bit more sympathetic towards us single mothers, not to be able to get away with things but it’s hard when your the only income and boom one gets sick and to your luck it’s hand foot and mouth and they can’t go to day care for a week and your stuck with calling out of work because you can’t afford nor trust a babysitter to stay at home with your child and if you stay home then no money is coming in. It’s a horrible dilema to encounter. The stress of that is like super horrible. Just telling you about it make me emotional because had I had a significant other we could take turns with who calls out of work this time etc. There has been times where my parents are there to help but my parents travel to their country and stay for a long time and during that time it always seems to be the time hell breaks loose.

What would you say to newly single mom?

I would tell her “ I’m not gonna lie to you but this shit isn’t easy. I’m not saying it to scare you but to help you by giving you a warning so you don’t get surprised when shyt hits the fan. I’m hear for anything you may need, like to vent or just questions that might randomly come up. We single moms need to stick together and help each other out”

Anything else outside those questions you want add?

My daughters have been a blessing and I dont regret them at all. I actually freaking day nightmares (daymares lol) scenarios of me dying and picturing their life without me or one of them dying or getting kidnapped etc. Idk know why I torture myself with those daymares. But I’m not perfect and I do wonder what my life would have been had I not have had them especially in the moments when they drive me crazy. Also I did suffer with a late post partum high efficiency depression. I was almost a year post partum when I started feeling really depressed, I was working finishing my bachelors. My parents were out of the country and my kids were getting constantly sick, I just found out their dad had a long term girlfriend whom introduced her to the girls without bringing it to my attention, the reality of the fact that I was officially a single mom sunk in, he filed for joint custody’s dealing with that, trying to find a better paying job, felling lonely. I literally felt like I was drowning and calling for help with no one hearing me. It was horrible but yet I always put on a happy face to the outside world but I was crumbling with in and I am not proud of this but I think I went a little over board of my kids with my yelling and/or spanking that I would then sit there crying while they slept and apologize to them for my erratic behavior. And would just pray to god to help me over come whatever I was going through. My anxiety sky rocketed as well. And I just kept all of this to myself which I know wasn’t healthy but I was afraid. I was also dealing with legalizing the custody paperwork with my girls father that I didn’t want to give him any reason of me being an incompetent mother. But luckily god hears my prayers somehow things got better. I will have my moments here and there but I think those are normal with pms and just regular off days you know. But all I can say is that I really don’t know how I am doing it but I am. I am proud of myself for it even though I feel like I can do more but I’m doing what I can with what I know. And I know im doing a good job because my girls show it to me by their actions and loving me the way that they do and missing me when I’m not around and wanting only mommy to do things forthem.